Thursday, April 04, 2013

Time to Change? Maybe Not

How many times have you heard people tell you to change certain aspects of your behavior? Especially when you have made them angry or told them the truth? I have been on the receiving end many a times where people have asked me to change.

"Be more tactful. Control your words"

This was a dialogue I received when I gave an opinion to someone honestly. Since tact is not one of my strong traits, I prefer to shut up. Up comes the next dialogue:

"Don't be silent when I am talking to you. This is not the way you deal confrontations. Speak up!"

It is a never ending loop. You sometimes wonder if people ever keep track of what they say because you hear such contradictory statements from them from time to time.

When something like a divorce happens, you start thinking about where you have gone wrong and try to take in advice from others on how to deal with relationships more efficiently. The thought process was "they have had a long marriage, they might be knowing the secret" so I would sincerely listen to advice given to me by the older folks on what changes I needed to make in my life to ensure a successful relationship.

An advice I got when my divorce proceedings were on:

"The husband should always be the dominating one in a relationship, the girl should ALWAYS keep quiet no matter how angry she is."

I would nod my head and soak in all the advice thinking she's an elderly woman, she must be knowing the ways of life and how to handle relationships. At a vulnerable point in your life, you even start believing such BS. Then I hear her cussing her husband as if there's no tomorrow.

Another lady told me "if you speak nicely you can get your way with anyone". Then you hear her talking harshly and ordering around just about anyone in her vicinity to get her way. I think a more proper advice from her would have been "if by talking nicely at first they don't listen to you, then scare the hell out of them".

Actions do speak louder than words. You can advise just about anyone to change. Maybe you're asking them to change for your own selfish needs or maybe it's for genuine reasons or maybe you just want to dish out advice that is politically correct even if it's practically impossible to do. I mean when someone advises you to take a deep breathe and count till 100 when you're angry -- does anyone really do that? After trying to rectify myself based on feedback from people, I realized I am getting nowhere. It gets difficult to understand who really means what they say and who don't. Sometimes you can't help but wonder if it's really you who need to change or them.

So for now, all changes are on hold. I am happy being me and it's going to be that way for a long time to come. Much easier this way ;)