How much does one “adjust” in a relationship? Does compatibility not matter at all?
I remember when my marriage proposals were going on, I kept stressing on the importance of compatibility, that electric chemistry between two people. When you meet or interact with that special someone, something should just click within you. Unfortunately, our Indian society (or most of it) does not understand this concept. Girls especially are just required to get along with the other half no matter what. If not, they are considered bold, head-strong – traits which are not exactly considered complimentary for an Indian girl. The perfect Indian girl should bear anything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that comes her way with a smile on her face. The perfect Indian girl should take abuses (mental & physical) from her spouse and not complain about it. The perfect Indian girl should be looking oh-so-awesome even when she’s dead tired from housework. The perfect Indian girl should never ever whine about anything, should never ever get angry or God forbid even show it. You get the drift.
Before marriage, you end up thinking you will be what you are and no one can stop you. But somehow it doesn’t work that way. Nowadays when I see unmarried girls saying “I don’t need to change anything about me. The guy will accept me the way I am even after marriage”, I can’t help but sympathize with them. No one, I repeat NO ONE remains the same after marriage. You adjust a little and the so does the other person and in between all these adjustments you change a little. For some people the changes and adjustments required are so drastic that you lose your identity in between all of it. That’s when you know your relationship is going downhill.
I have always stressed on compatibility and after going through personal experience and going through some others as well I feel this is one of the most important spices that contribute to the zest & flavor of a relationship. No compatibility means no similarity in thoughts which means no passion! And how can a relationship survive without even a bit of passion? This goes out to all the people out there – learn to trust your instincts. If you feel that compatibility is the most important factor and you go against your own belief and succumb to what others tell you (in my case I was told “clicking” with someone isn’t important, you just have to see whether he’s a nice guy.. and I fell for that), you will end up where I am today. Don’t fall into pressure, don’t be afraid of going against the norms if it makes you happy. In the end it’s your life you’ve got to live and not theirs. I’ve learnt my lesson and I'm never ever falling for something I don't believe in ever again...