Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Should I Be Worried?

Shortly after I wrote my first post on how I'm getting divorced soon, a blogger messaged me asking 'I'm going to get into an arranged marriage soon. Should I be worried?'. First of all, my purpose of writing that post wasn't to scare people, but since the question came up here's the answer anyway.

You Should Be Worried If...

1. You're totally incompatible with your partner. Of course, partners need not always be perfect, but there's a saying 'Appreciate the similarities, respect the differences'. If you are not able to do that, and if you force your partner into thinking the same way that you do - then get ready for friction - whether you like it or not.

2. You're an egoistic person. Ego has known to kill relationships - don't let your's bring something so precious as a relationship down in the dumps.

3. You're boring. Do you tend to take things way too seriously? Do you start yelling 'What? Why? Where? How?" at the drop of a hat? Not done.

4. You're an old fashioned person expecting a modern partner. Please stick to people who believe in the very same thoughts as you do. There are some who will like a person based purely on looks and then think "chalo.. let me say yes.. later on I will try to change the person by hook or by crook". Learn to accept the person as they are. Small adjustments are necessary in any relationship, but that doesn't mean you try to totally change your better half.

5. You're a person who believes only in 'take' and no 'give'. It's just not done if a relationship is one-sided where a person has to keep sacrificing for the other's happiness. It's all about 'give & take'. If you are not ready to give at all, don't get into a relationship.

6. You tend to get violent when angry. Are you not able to control your anger? Maybe it's time to hit those anger management classes. Some people tend to get physically abusive too when angry. Sad...

7. You're not emotionally, physically & financially ready to get into a marriage.

You need not be worried...

1. If you love your other half to death. All the adjustments, compromising will then come automatically.

2. If you believe that marriage is a life long commitment (your partner should feel the same way too), and your main goal is to last through the good times as well as the bad; to live many many years together. When both you and your partner have that kind of a mindset, my kind of a situation will not happen to you.

3. You make adjustments according to the situation (goes for both guys & girls).

4. You do not incline to physical abuse when angry (very very important point!).

Well that's it I guess! On a positive note, divorce cases in India are still very much rare. So don't judge things by other people's experiences. It need not happen to you. Things need not get so messy. It's my destiny and I'm embracing it with open arms.. because of this - today, I am a happy & healthy person (touch wood). I rather be single than be stuck in a very VERY wrong relationship.

Friday, January 06, 2012

To My Sun and My Moon

Once upon a time there lived this girl called Dhanya who absolutely used to cringe at the sight of crying (and need I mention pooping?) babies. If a baby puked or soiled their diapers in the sitting room, you would find Dhanya running away to the bedroom. If the baby started crying in the bedroom, Dhanya would slowly tiptoe towards the sitting room -- you get the picture. Now many many years have passed (well, not so much, I'm not that old yet) and the story now seems to have changed. Dhanya is not the same Dhanya, and babies don't make her uneasy or uncomfortable anymore. How did this happen you might ask? (Note - Even if you didn't ask yourself that -- just for the sake of this post, please do). Stay calm folks, for this sensational story is about to be disclosed.

On November 20th 2001 my first jigar da tukda entered this world -- my niece. I didn't cringe as much but the pooping/crying story remained. I remember dad informing me about her arrival in the wee hours of the night. I met her and was absolutely mesmerized by how she looked - so delicate, innocence personified. I remember looking forward to coming back from my classes (I was still in school then) to meet her, pick her up and get enchanted by her gurgles and how soft, smooth she felt. It's a feeling that cannot be expressed in words. But man, was I in love ! She's now going to be 10 years old (big girl now) and I can't help feel how fast time has fled by. Nakshu says such grown-up things now that I do a double-take and go "Wow, when did you get so big?" with plain disbelief. As of recently, she said something like "Don't worry mema, everything will be alright" and I could feel my heart swell up with so much of love and admiration for my little angel who is not-so little anymore.

Then on Feb 16th 2010, my second jigar da tukda made his presence felt - my nephew. He didn't appear delicate as such -- he looked stronger and sturdier as compared to his elder sister. But it was love at first sight for the second time around! With Yadhu, I became accustomed to changing diapers, cleaning him up, giving him food, rocking him to sleep, giving him a bath, getting up in the wee hours of the morning and all that jazz especially when my sister got bedridden with pneumonia. The tiring part was that he too got sick at the same time and I had to carry him around most of the time. It made me look like a zombie somehow and I wondered how my sister was able to handle 2 kids in the house. He's the happiest baby I know and as of currently his interests include food, staring at cute girls, food and more staring at cute girls (strictly in that order!).

I cannot define the joy these two bring me. They ignite my maternal instincts (you've got to be an aunt to believe that) and I'm awfully protective about them. I want only the best for them, and I hope the future only has the bestest of the best plans laid out for them. If not, the so-called 'future' will have to deal with my infamous tantrums! ;)

To Nakshu and Yadhu (my Sun and my Moon).. you will forever remain my sweet little babies! With lots of love - your mema.