Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Ultimate Truth About Marriage That Every Girl Should Know!


I had Nidhi asking me a question the other day - "Does life really change after marriage?". I remember having this very doubt the day I got engaged. Does life really change? Will I get time to do the things I like after tying the knot? I'm not an experienced person, but if you are looking for true facts from a newly-wed then this is the post for you! I and R celebrated our first E-Day (engagement day) anniversary on Feb 7th and this alone makes me feel that I have 'matured' enough to give you some marriage gyaan. So get ready for some hard-core truths! You may or may not like them - but that's what MOST marriages are all about.

1. Yes, Life does Change! - Whether you like it or not, life changes big time after marriage. You don't really get time to do things you like -- or maybe you can if you squeeze out enough time in between all the chores. But then again, you feel too exhausted by the end of the day to enjoy these things that you feel so passionate about! I'm working from home and at the same time I have to do my everyday chores which doesn't leave me with much time for my hobbies like reading. I have yet to finish 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' which I had brought along with me to Dubai from India. 3 months and yet to finish a book? That's new for me! Nidhi told me that there are maids in the house to help her mom out with work. This hasn't stopped the lady from supervising everything and anything that happens in the house. The bottomline is that even with help around the house, married women hardly get time to do the things that they once upon a time used to love. Didn't exactly like this fact? Truth hurts afterall!

2. Men are Tuned to Rest After Work - Most men love to return from work and relax in front of the big tube. Once upon a time, I used to daydream that I and my husband would be cooking together and doing all chores together (every women has that dream I guess and I can see the men reading this guffaw out there :) but then you have to get used to the fact that such men hardly exist!

3. Start Learning! - Girls who know next to nothing about cooking or cleaning up or washing or just about any household work -- should start learning! More so because you have to be prepared for questions like - "So what did you cook today" from almost everyone. And you don't want to give a bad impression by replying - "Umm. Noodles!". Btw, noodles are so easy to make no? I would have made noodles everyday -- but my husband hates it! Which brings me to the next point....

4. Most Husbands Hate Easy Recipes - I have lost count of the number of men who have said "Yuck! I hate bread" or "I hate noodles"! So if you think you can escape by making such easy things, you cannot be more wrong! I had a number of such "easy meals" planned out before marriage, but now you will find that list shredded away into teeny weeny pieces somewhere in the garbage bin.

5. Sometimes It's Better to Agree with Your Husband Even if You're Right - We women are always right no? I can see all the girls nodding :D But sometimes our partner refuses to acknowledge that. So what do you do then? You just nod along and agree to everything he says and let him learn from his own mistakes.

6. Your Husband Most Probably Will Get Really Emotional When Sick - I have yet to see a guy who doesn't whine when sick. My dad gets very irritated and sad when he's ill. My husband does too. At times, you wonder if they are actually going to die from a cold or fever. No, really! The point is that you girls shouldn't feel too overwhelmed when you end up seeing your "macho man" putting his guard down when sick. It's normal! As long as you give enough care and attention, this phase too shall pass smoothly.

7. The First Thing in the Morning You Might Hear from Him Will Be 'Chai Please' - Men usually are a hungry and thirsty lot. You can't blame them if that's the first thing that comes to their mind when they wake up. :D

These are only some of the points that you girls should keep in mind. I will come up with more once I complete my first year of marriage (.. just to be safe :D).

On a serious note, I come to know every other day about how couples are getting divorced without even completing a year together. The first year of marriage can be VERY difficult maybe coz both of you have certain expectations in mind for each other. We are all looking for THE perfect partner who does everything according to your wish. There's nothing like a perfect partner at first but with time by compromising and making little adjustments you can make your marriage just perfect!

Why do YOU think so many marriages are breaking down nowadays? The older generation won't even hear of such a thing! Usually back then, the women folk used to remain quiet while the husbands made all the important decisions. Nowadays the girls are outspoken and openly pinpoint what they feel about things -- and not all guys (with the notable "male ego") can take it. Is THAT a reason? Can education be blamed for making girls so independent and less tolerant nowadays? Is it wrong for girls to be considered "equal" to men when our Indian society is not yet ready to believe that times have changed? Or is our society or culture to be blamed for bringing up guys with so much of importance -- which is maybe why they feel irritated when a woman dominates them? Share your thoughts. Would love to know :)

20 comments:

  1. I totally agree on the easy recipes part. All my comfort food and cook in 5 minutes menu went in for a toss after I got married.

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  2. hmhm.....

    In a way, I think - the society expects men to be dominating. Like you - yourself wrote - "Macho men"

    hmmh.. I think it's because men are always expected to be macho, they do not take well a bout of sickness, that makes them depend on someone.

    & I think marriage is not abt who dominates who--

    that would be a moot point.

    Firstly men & women are equal in their own rights & marriage is abt having some1 to stand up for you- like always.. Isnt it...

    & of course, that some1 being of the opposite sex sauces things up. Dont you think so...


    & no.. I dont really think that our own culture is flawed. If so, do not that - the word macho to describe men was not put forth by the Indians.

    The only thing- I would say - that bothers me.. is that We people would rather go along with the charade - the society is playing rather than to question things...

    Like may be the credibility of arranged marriage??

    What say??

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  3. "1.Yes, Life does Change!"-No change life's you...phurr whatever that means.....but married or not, everything changes, so, blaming marriage for "the change"is like blaming weather for being 'lazy'.....


    but, not finishing 'the monk who sold his fuel guzzling Ferrari due to recession' is not a metaphor for changed-you.The book is THE most boring 'selfhelp' book i read( no, tried reading and finally gave up) my whole life...I blame this book for whatever negatives i have in my character( like being stupid etc).

    point 2- this is very true..after every 8 hours of work i like to sleep for 12 hours. but thats how things work.cant help.

    Point3- In my house, i cook much better than wife....she turns for me for recipes...Holidays, its me cooking. But i lurve cooking, its a passion, and not a chore...wife takes care of utensil washing...TC

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  4. haha..tat was a realistic post...

    i had a best frnd...n she got married..b4 marriage she used to tel me tat she wil cal me everyday..she wil msg me everyday..n stuffs like tat..

    i used to tel her tat life changes after marriage..n wont get time to think of 'frnds'...


    now i hav no news abt her.. they jus get busy...right???

    anyway like everyone else say, life starts after marriage... so enjoy.. hav fun :)

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  5. Loved ur post....and i guess i will need these tips the most, now that i m married.

    And coming to the questions, i feel even though women have changed in leaps n bounds, men havent changed much and it is this difference thats making things worse these days...men do talk abt equality n stuff but there r very few men who actually treat their wifes as their better half!

    At the end of the day they want to take certain decisions which the women shudnt object and this doesnt happen anymore.

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  6. Still unmarried...I agree totally ;-)

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  7. I guess u deleted this post and re posted so the comment of mine got off :P

    Anyways amazing post :)

    Makes me realize what all i shd be ready for before taking the plunge and thats scarry :P

    And easy recipe never work...so so true :)

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  8. Anonymous1:15 PM

    Married for the past 10yrs, i can only say, Each day, each phase of life is about change.Nothing is constant except change:)For any marriage to survive, both partners need to throw their egos out of the window and live with the intention of being around for each other in good n bad times. Remember, this is the only relationship where we easily utter the word divorce but if we look at each n every relationship in our life, we will realize, we generally compromise in all relationships.Haven't we compromised, adjusted with our own parents, siblings and even friends then whats the big deal in making a few compromises here n there to make a marriage work. We might think, we are the best but so is the other person thinking the same thing about himself:D.

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  9. Wow..will keep all this in mind :)

    First time here..loved it :)

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  10. I couldn't have read your post at a better time. I know my life will change as and when I get married, not that I am very excited about marraige or look upon it as a panacea for all ills of my life but as another stage of life which everyone eventually graduates to. And these domestic chores can be fun but someone from the two needs to be responsible for it

    Marriages are breaking down one too many these days. I can't understand marriages which don't even survive few weeks! I guess in a marriage one partner has to take a step back and provide the sheet anchor support for the other to steer ahead; and usually its stronger of the two sexes who provides back support! Older generation knew this and hence marriages survived while today most girls are not ready to let go of career, moolah and lifestyle just for sake of marriage

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  11. really good post....came 2 ur blog after quite sometime and must say that the visit was totally worth it! im impressed with the 'gyaan' u already have gained abt marriage! LOL...it took me 3-4 years to get tat gyaan! and i must say tat i agree with just about everything you have said there! :)

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  12. Read this post right in time.. when I was losing my faith in relationships.

    I am sharing it with someone who needs it.. :)

    HKM

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  13. Dhanya,

    :) So good to be back reading your writings. I been missing out on it lately, because of various reasons.

    1) No internet connection ever since we moved to the new house.

    2) I've become one of those very lazed up creatures like snail, on this earth.

    And

    3) I'm back for good :) <3

    I loved this post. I've had the same going on in my mind the other day. Things keep changing every now and then. When you realize there are too many responsibilities just when you are 23, then you never know how much more load is gonna weigh in your life.

    And then I get to this question, God, how is it gonna be after marriage? I mean convince parents since its 100% my choice. Then go through some very fantastic Indian drama by their choice. And then get hitched. How will life be after having two babies :O

    Its gonna be tough and not simple I know. And after reading this, I know for sure, we're gonna be self-household-employees.

    Anyway, the 3rd point :P is for me. Like literally. My mum never trusts me in the kitchen, and the day she does is the day I will probably get married :P

    Haha!

    =D

    Coming to women being quiet in those days and now demanding a voice, I heard one of my trainers say - "Women need RESERVATIONS in a bus but say that we ARE equal to men." He asked us, how does that work?

    It got me into thinking, in a way he was right. We sure need a voice when it comes to society stuff. But what is much needed in a relationship and a married life is GOD :) Since, I have a lot of faith in God, I know that he works in mysterious ways. When he blesses us with someone to live the rest of the lives with and starts it within us, thats when he begins working for our relationship. And a GOD centered relationships always work. And that happens when you truly love your partner unconditionally and when you learn to honor the marriage, it will remain strong until one loses all their teeth! :)

    Thats what I believe in :) We do not need rights as women to be protecting our relationships. We have to obey the law of God. And it is written in the Bible that, A wife who respects her husband is his crown :)
    But still to each its own :) thats why most relationships break.

    I know I totally wrote a post here in the comment page :P !!

    <3

    Amd I love your writings :)

    Much Love
    Esther <3

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  14. AWE-some post. ur writing has improved after marriage!! really!!
    i loved these pointers...i remember so well our conversations before ur marriage n we used to think that "oh yeah, dhanna's husband will help in cooking" "oh yeah, we will chat late night also, big deal, dhanna's husband can cook for himself" LOL :P *grim face* funny life che...

    and i think marriages are breaking down not only coz girls are becoming more outspoken etc. but also because couples rush into marriage without giving a second thought as to whether their respective spouses will be close to their families or not...loving each other is different than loving and living with each other....sad to see that the institution of marriage is not respected these days :(

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  15. AWE-some post. ur writing has improved after marriage!! really!!
    i loved these pointers...i remember so well our conversations before ur marriage n we used to think that "oh yeah, dhanna's husband will help in cooking" "oh yeah, we will chat late night also, big deal, dhanna's husband can cook for himself" LOL :P *grim face* funny life che...

    and i think marriages are breaking down not only coz girls are becoming more outspoken etc. but also because couples rush into marriage without giving a second thought as to whether their respective spouses will be close to their families or not...loving each other is different than loving and living with each other....sad to see that the institution of marriage is not respected these days :(

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  16. Well there are guys who love cooking and interested in doing beyond daily chores together.

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  17. All true and add 70 more..but its also true that the woman tries to change the man she fell in love with after marriage :)

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  18. Life is pretty easy for men as compared to what all women have to sacrifice to make others happy.

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  19. Life is so easy for men....They don't need to sacrifice as much as women are expected to....

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  20. Just got married....!rofl...new to d page but loved ur post n agree wit it totally.....awesmmm....!!!!

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