Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It's All About Loving Yourself...

Me : Whom do you love most in this world?

Mom : Myself, of course…

Me : Second most?

Mom : Again me *smiles*

Me : And third place goes to?

Mom : Me again! You need not repeat the question. I love myself a lot…

How important is it to love yourself in such a way that you don’t let others take that liberty of hurting you?

Why do people hurt themselves coz of others? I guess people get upset or sad depending on other’s actions and not coz of their own. Which leads me to another qn - why are we dependent on others for our happiness?

Whenever I talk to people nowadays, their reason for being sad or depressed is coz of another person. It’s nearly impossible to NOT let a person hurt you but the least we can do is respect our own feelings and not to take things too seriously and preferably not think too much about it – the ifs and the buts i.e.

Once upon a time, Dhanya used to be a big cry baby. She used to cry over literally everything. Just recently, my grandmother told me she can’t believe how I have grown up to be the strong person that I’m today, a kind of person who doesn’t really care a damn even if people bitch about her. You won’t believe the number of ridiculous questions I have to face everyday –

Why isn’t she getting married? Maybe she’s having an affair.” (Oh! How I wish I was!)

“Why does she stay up late? Maybe she’s chatting with a foreigner to keep up with their time zone.” (Some people fail to understand that insomniacs do exist.)

“Why do you have to evaluate every single detail of your would-be? Just find an average joe and get married to him!” (In short, I should just get married to prospects who end up looking more at my feet than conversing with me.)

I react to these questions by just smiling and nodding. The one thing I have understood over the years is not to expect people to understand you ALL the time. Their mindset is different, so is yours & mine. I’ve found out that by telling these people what they want to hear or what they feel is right, you appease them and yourself too. In this way, I don’t hurt them and myself in the process….

I love myself too much to let people hurt me again. Maybe I have had enuff, that's why. My blog posts might show me as a goofy, sometimes stupid, happy go lucky, bubbly kinda person but I'm just an average gal who has gone through her share of heart breaks and muck but never really found it necessary to show the sadness coz I believe - "When you smile, the whole world smiles with you. When you cry, you cry alone."

Depression can spread. Try talking about how gloomy you are for long and see how it affects the other person too. In the same way, happiness can spread too... but in a good way. In the end, people are all selfish. They want to feel good. Try taking a guess as to who anyone would prefer to be with - the gloomy or the happy person?

At the moment…

I love myself..
I love my life..
I love my family..

… The only thing that might seem missing from the picture is that perfect guy. I might sound really crazy here, but somehow I get the feeling that that void too will be filled up soon. Really soon...


  1. That a girl Dhanya!!
    So you've had your share of heart breaks and muck, huh? Good for you! Has only enabled you to put things into perspective I say!!
    great read, as always (bless my cuz swati through whom I stumbled upon you)!
    And bless you too!!

  2. me too is always loving myself too much. I too am a cry baby, but i cry for the oddest of reasons. Like watching some stoopid hindi movies.

    Hey, my 2 bit advice. I too was looking at my wife's feet before marriage, but see here i am married and happy.

    Moral-all those average joes who look at feet aint that bad afterall. Nice post.:))

  3. Ah!! this is so so true Dhanya :) Even I face such questions...
    and about Depression spreading... ask me I'll tell you.. I was totally down for one full month once upon a time cuz of one depressed person!! WE shouldn't anything to heart!!! and sometime peops say we are self-obsessive when they come to know that we love ourself. shabba!!! Anyway I am not giving damn to such things too :) now I've evolved a bit I guess...

    Loved your post :)

  4. I hope that void gets filled up soon, really soon.

    And then Dhanya will come up with her happy-happy posts, and make us all happy :)

    Coz as you said, Happiness spreads. :)

  5. A very nice post sista.. :) The best one I've read for sumtym,arguably ur bestt.. :D

    Take care sundarikutty.. :)

    I love YOU sista..


  6. hey thats a wonderful post....every person who is sentimantal abt others should read this.

    thx for ur words!!

  7. i like the optimism dhanoos. people should learn something from this post!

  8. 2 things... as you rightly point out...

    1. Love yourself a lot...
    2. Marry once you meet someone with whom you feel its good to do so :)

  9. all the best and wish the void does get fileld up really soon. And yeah if we keep listening to wat ppl think abt us,we would never live our life.

  10. Anonymous11:11 AM

    So, Dhanno loves herself very much. I love myself too much too!
    I'm totally in resonance with your opinion. I have heard only some people cribbing, and I have let their depression creep into me and affect my life. Now, I don't get close to them.

    Why does a girl have to hear "She might be having an affair" comments when she does not get married? One of my cousins had to pursue her studies, and did not get married. She's only 25 and yesterday I heard my granny telling that she is SO old..and she might be having an affair! :-O.

  11. i think what you need now is a nice and warm hug...

    and here is one from me to you...


    lots of love...

    me misses you on my space... i hope you are doing good??

  12. Wow.. dhanya, u hav wrote it soo well.. so apt words, straight frm ur heart.. and its soo true that i was noding almost al the time...

    Its nt just abt being optimistic, its more abt having a true unshakable belief in urself.then rest of things, nomatter wtever problem it may b, will sound very smal..
    hope u wil get ur perfect guy soon..

  13. Neat post. :) Instead of being that person that always wishes to be on the 'greener side', the better solution in life is to actually live 'on the greener side' and see yourself as living on the 'greener side'.

    And you're right, depression spreads like a forest fire. I can't stand being around someone mope-y for longer than 5minutes because it starts getting to me. Sure, it would be unreal to never be down every once in awhile, but the main thing is to always pick up the pieces, lift your chin up and work towards what makes you happy. I know I sound like a total corn ball, but I really do believe that staying positive just makes you love life that much more. :)

    PS - "(Oh! How I wish I was!)" I'm on the same boat as you, lol. And I also have a strong feeling that that void will be filled up soon too.

  14. omg,dhan,u r showing ur serious self a lot too much these days..u r ryt,ppl love the happy side of everyone..n hence i miss ur bubbly posts ;(

  15. I love myself..n i love ya too gurl!!
    one cant avoid depressions at times..but sooner u come out of it the better it is :)
    n thr cant be a better way to slap once gloominess wid a smile n laughter..:)
    n every one has his/her share of good n bad momnents so wats thr to sit back n cry!!
    loved the optimism in ur post!!
    huggggggggsss :)

  16. Mystish - Awww... that was the sweetest comment ever! And bless your cuz for bringing you into my blog... :) *Huggzzz*

    ZB - Hahaha... I hardly cry during movies! Somehow, I always find it fake :( I think the last time I cried was when I watched Taare Zameen Par... especially during that song 'Ma'. Btw, isn't yours a love marriage? ;)

    Sowmi - You too face such qns? Glad I'm not alone... hehehe.. and I don't think loving yourself is a bad thing at all! It boosts your confidence and that trait is so likeable don't you think? :)

    Jyoti - :) Thanks a lot! I will surely come up with some really mushy mushy posts once I find my guy :D Honestly speaking, those are the kind of posts I actually excel in :)

    Nikhil - Thanks bro :D I think this is one of my best posts too!! :) :)

    Paramveer - thank YOU for reading and liking it!!

    Sawan - Not really posting this so that people would learn something... just bringing forth my viewpoint regarding things :)

  17. Arv - Hear hear! :)

    Nautankey - Exactly my sentiments! Seeing u here after a long time, btw... :)

    Ramya - Ayyyooo.. that sucks!! I totally can understand what ur cuz must be going through! Sigh..

    Raka - Awww thanks Raka!!! Hey, I do visit your space!!! And I comment also! But the last time, I had some connection problems and hence my comment didnt get published :(

    Devil Incarnate - I knew somehow you would really identify with this post :) Hope you get ur perfect guy soon too. Will definitely pray that you do :)

    Archana - Yup yup... staying positive is the way to be! I love what you said abt seeing the 'greener side' of things... :)

    Gayathri - Lol... I am 24!! I should be serious once in a while no? :P But yeah, I am MORE bubbly than serious... so don't you worry!! :P I like posting such serious stuff once in a while. I get tired of my own bubbly posts sometimes ;)

    Swati - Love you for saying that :) Hugggzzz

  18. i couldnt agree with u more :)
    loved this post of yours.

    but i have a question ..
    everytime i decide that i wont depend on anyone else to remain happy doesnt work out.

    yes, i love myself and my life ..
    but i cant help but keep expectations from certain loved ones. i mean, isnt it natural to do so. so, when they act against my expectations ..they do ruin my happiness ..even if its for a day. i hate that about myself.

    so u mean to say, u dont depend on ANY external factor to stay happy? if yes, how the hell do u manage that woman?
    thats really superb :)

  19. I feel the same way baby...And i m sure i will meet my Mr right sometime soon :)

    Fingers crossed for both of us!

  20. There r times when i like ur post but this time its diff..blogger needs a LOVE button cuz i loved this post...the optimism , the realism, the frank opinion...LOVED IT.



  21. Anonymous2:44 AM

    oooooo!! just waiting for that "Mr. peferfect" and u to unite....!! :) but will u change after u find ur mr. perfect....??like, how ur cousin sis changed or like anyother who changed?? hey yaar just remain the same...and keep blogging....and never get busy...coz if u r busy.....we, ur blog fans will really miss reading ur blog....well i said this coz u said, that perfect guy is gonna knock on ur door very soon..... keep blogging girl!

  22. Hey was here for all the posts as they pop up in my reader, just that was too lazy to leave a comment :-).. saari

  23. Getting married now is very important to you right now, huh?

  24. my darling yu speak for me 2 :)

    yup we shud stop feeling sorry for what others made us go through!Love is just a phase and marriage is the reality :)

    cheers my love find the guy soon or he will find you :)

  25. hey oRange :)

    Thanks for commenting! Like I said, it's definitely impossible to NOT let people hurt you. When someone hurts you, get sad about it for a bit and then just let it go. Why do you have to hang onto it? What good would it do to you? Or even the other person. Such a waste of time, don't you think? :)

    I do the same. I get sad for a minute and then realise life's too short to just think and get worried for nothing over things that you can't really control.

    External factors do play a large part in making me happy. But I don't let those factors get me down for long either :) It isn't very hard. Practice makes perfect after all :D :D

  26. Shanu - :)

    Ami - Awww... Maybe there's a widget for that... let's see :P

    Anonymous - I will refrain from answering those questions until I find out who you are :) But thanks so much for liking my posts! Keep reading :)

    Nautankey - Hehehe... no worries... I can totally understand the 'laziness' part :)

    Bullshee - LOL! Where did you get that from? Did I mention so anywhere in my post ?? Getting married is important... when I meet the right guy! :)

    Kangna - :) :) And you better keep in mind all the things that I told you today! :P

  27. Anonymous11:38 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  28. Yup...people do come up with all talks, best to ignore them

  29. I actually read this post the day it was written.. n I did love it...
    its really good..Apologies for commenting late...

    It sounded the way i think bout things(I am of the opinion tht I am a little crazy) but ur post actually made perfect sense... :)

    I wish my relatives too understood tht I am an insomniac..If anyone happens to pass by my room when I am online, all they want to know is if i'm chattin with a guy...all peeping toms..I absolutely detest tht...

    I really could relate to this post ...Gr8 work :)

  30. no... u r not Crazy... :)
    even quite similar to me.. :) dun worry... we both r normal... as any other gal can be! :)

  31. this is such a honest post..and straight from the heart totally...loved it :D
    and stand by what u have written....and i know u will find the guy who will fill that empty void...
    nahi to..tu boi hai naa ;) :))
    >:D< hugs Dhanya. i loved this post totally :)

  32. pesto sauce - Yup.. thats the best thing to do :)

    Lakshmi - Hey... at least you left a comment! Better late than never!!!

    Anonymous - Hmmm :)

    Mads - Lol @ tu boi. Oh god. I hope that THAT day doesnt come when I will have to opt for an 18 year old guy :P

  33. Anonymous10:21 PM

    dhanya, dont take all the "anonymous" as the same person, okieee, refrain ur questions utill u find me ; me "bebo" for the time being....

  34. lol.. sure will do :) But do mention ur nick name whenever u post a comment!

    take care..

  35. What a post..I could identify so much with it..I really agree with u - "why are we dependent on others for our happiness?"
    I think we humans n specially gals sometimes think tooo much......

    Liked ur blog.. :)

  36. My favorite post hands down!
    Really needed this tip! Bookmarking it ..:)


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