Friday, June 29, 2007

This phase will pass....

There are days when I feel strong enough to take on any bad situation that life has to offer. But then there are those days when I feel completely weak and just give up.... how much can you take really ? And then I cry and cry... take out all my frustrations which I had kept bottled up.

I try to hide these frustrations as much as I can. But like I said, I just give up at times. It hurts when people around you are hurting... and I am hurting right now...

Smile..
When times are bad
Smile..
When you are sad
Coz God has a plan for you
He has a special surprise just in store for you....

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Friendship With God

Remember all those times when you were a child and you wanted something really bad. You would pray hard... 'Please God pleasseee, if you get me the new video game, I will pray twice as hard!'. You strike a deal with God. If you get what you want, you will give Him something in return. And then, when you do get what you want.. you completely forget about the deal. All childish innocence..

I remember my prayers used to be the same every day 'Please protect my family... please protect me also! Let me be 1st in everything!!' Always asking God for something. Of course, I never got 1st in everything, but the prayer continued..

Later on the relationship changed. I became more demanding. Wanted a lot more. But I was no longer a child and so, most of the innocence had vanished. Since I didn't get what I wanted, I used to get angry at Him. I would stop praying. There were times when I had almost touched atheism, but then the idea was so uncomfortable and made me so uneasy that I would revert back to Him, apologize for being so bad and selfish and start praying again. Dunno why, but just getting back in touch with Him would make me feel all happy again.

The love, hate relationship continued when all of a sudden, one day, I just decided to stop messing around. I would be grateful for whatever He was going to offer... whether its good or bad. I don't want to sound all philosophical and stuff but I do believe everything that happens, happens for the best. It helps make you a better person. For example, I have had loads of bad experiences with people. I would cry if people criticized me. I would get angry with God asking Him why He was making me go through all this hurt and pain. But all that has made me a stronger person. Criticizing doesn't affect me any more. I just smile and take it as it comes. Now, people are astonished on how calm and easygoing I have become...

I dunno how many of you feel the same way, but for me a little prayer works wonders. I used to love prayer time at hostel where all of us would gather together and chant. The only prayer I was familiar with (before joining hostel) was namah shivay. In hostel, people were singing more songs... and I was completely awe struck. I mean, all of them knew the songs and I didn't! I was very embarrassed... but I soon learned them all. And singing together with the rest of them was something I would look forward to every night at 7:30 P.M.

Now, I have learnt just to say thank you. That doesn't mean I don't rant anymore. I do... but never feeling bitter about what had happened. So my conversation usually goes :

Me: You know my life is screwed up right now. Nothing is going my way. Please give me the strength to pass through this phase smoothly...

I get some kind of comfort by just saying this. Knowing that He is listening to me. But just testing to see if my faith starts wavering again...

I will be rest assured that it won't... ever again...

Now my prayers always end with one thing.... 'Thank you'...

Sunday, June 10, 2007

On Debates And Others...

One of the things am enjoying quite a lot nowadays is the 'fun' hours spanning from 8 - 10 a.m at office. Fun because its the time when hot headed Mr.T isn't there mouthing his discontent on how the office is running and blaming every XYZ for it. So we (a group of three) take it upon ourselves to enjoy as much as we can before he comes. We blah blah and yes... we blah blah a lil more debating on various things (mostly marriage).

I was kind of surprised to learn Mr.P is expecting dowry. Not shocked, coz Kerala is still not completely devoid of the dowry system. It's so sad that hardly anyone reports such matters to the higher authorities. I was threatening Mr.P that in case he got married to some girl in exchange of big fat money, I would definitely complain even if the girl didn't!! But no, Mr.P already has plans what to do with his future wife's money! He isn't expecting much... just 9 lakhs and some gold...

So we (his sisters) decided that each day we will try advising him.. make him understand how wrong it is to take money, that you should accept a girl seeing her character and not coz of her money. He has refused to budge till now. He is still dreaming about sleeping in between stacks of money...

The fun hours also include 'samosa' time. Its the time when each of us take turns to buy samosas, bondas etc. etc. and stuff ourselves before Mr.T comes. Dunno why, but no one is interested in sharing food with Mr.T either. So we eat n yap, eat n yap... and you know what.

It feels good to know someone is interested in your views, thoughts, and how u feel about stuff. I can go talking endlessly to these two people on any matter and I can be rest assured they are listening to me. There are very few people who actually do that. I have met people who go on and on about their life and forget to ask me about how my life is going. Not that I mind. I am much more of a listener than a talker. But it does feel good to blurt out once in a while. To a listening ear, of course!

I have kept a bad news to the very last... Mr.D is leaving! :-( The place is going to be extremely dull without the jolly guy who dances to Hritik Roshan's tunes and who always keeps us in splits with his never ending stock of jokes and riddles. The 58 year old (age mentioned to avoid misunderstandings!! ;)) is going to shift to the Adliya branch soon and we are all thinking of protesting that move. Will miss you Mr.D... my office and blog space is going to be uncomfortably empty without you...