Saturday, June 16, 2007

Friendship With God

Remember all those times when you were a child and you wanted something really bad. You would pray hard... 'Please God pleasseee, if you get me the new video game, I will pray twice as hard!'. You strike a deal with God. If you get what you want, you will give Him something in return. And then, when you do get what you want.. you completely forget about the deal. All childish innocence..

I remember my prayers used to be the same every day 'Please protect my family... please protect me also! Let me be 1st in everything!!' Always asking God for something. Of course, I never got 1st in everything, but the prayer continued..

Later on the relationship changed. I became more demanding. Wanted a lot more. But I was no longer a child and so, most of the innocence had vanished. Since I didn't get what I wanted, I used to get angry at Him. I would stop praying. There were times when I had almost touched atheism, but then the idea was so uncomfortable and made me so uneasy that I would revert back to Him, apologize for being so bad and selfish and start praying again. Dunno why, but just getting back in touch with Him would make me feel all happy again.

The love, hate relationship continued when all of a sudden, one day, I just decided to stop messing around. I would be grateful for whatever He was going to offer... whether its good or bad. I don't want to sound all philosophical and stuff but I do believe everything that happens, happens for the best. It helps make you a better person. For example, I have had loads of bad experiences with people. I would cry if people criticized me. I would get angry with God asking Him why He was making me go through all this hurt and pain. But all that has made me a stronger person. Criticizing doesn't affect me any more. I just smile and take it as it comes. Now, people are astonished on how calm and easygoing I have become...

I dunno how many of you feel the same way, but for me a little prayer works wonders. I used to love prayer time at hostel where all of us would gather together and chant. The only prayer I was familiar with (before joining hostel) was namah shivay. In hostel, people were singing more songs... and I was completely awe struck. I mean, all of them knew the songs and I didn't! I was very embarrassed... but I soon learned them all. And singing together with the rest of them was something I would look forward to every night at 7:30 P.M.

Now, I have learnt just to say thank you. That doesn't mean I don't rant anymore. I do... but never feeling bitter about what had happened. So my conversation usually goes :

Me: You know my life is screwed up right now. Nothing is going my way. Please give me the strength to pass through this phase smoothly...

I get some kind of comfort by just saying this. Knowing that He is listening to me. But just testing to see if my faith starts wavering again...

I will be rest assured that it won't... ever again...

Now my prayers always end with one thing.... 'Thank you'...