Thursday, September 29, 2005

View from the back

Before you start getting any dirty ideas, the heading is just a reference to the views that I get by sitting in the back bench of my class. Its only during this sem that I have started to sit there. Well.. what to say ? You get a good view of what your classmates are upto. Lets leave the listening to the teachers part, because I did not listen much to them even when I was sitting in the front bench :)

I was ( as usual ) getting extreeemeely bored with the lectures, and the sheer ignorance of my fellow 'bench' mates, and shifted my attention towards the activities of the class. It gave me the satisfaction to know that there are other students who were just as bored as I was. There were students who were busy having a conversation that were clearly not study-based considering their actions. There were students who were making an attempt to build the perfect paper made rocket. And the poor teacher is just standing there trying desperately to bring forth her point .. and to make her voice audible.

Then there is the liberty of sleeping in class, because it is not exactly good manners to sleep right in front of the teacher's face ( even though I used to do that ). This is the time you feel at home. You can get a bite out of a biscuit sitting in the back bench with the teacher not noticing ( school time memories ) and even get to do some message passing via chits of papers. Will never get these fun filled moments again after college is finished. How fast time flies...

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Ever had one of those days, when you feel your head is going to explode ? When you feel irritated at the slightest hint of movement and want to destroy the source ? I am just having one of those days. No reason, whatsoever. Just that everything seems to irritate me today. So I decided to write in here again, this sudden urge to do it.

My bad day/depressing day is in dark contrast to my happy days. A much evident contrast. Nothing makes me smile, even a sound can make me want to scream. So what do I do ? Nothing. I just go and sleep.. and hope I will feel better ( I usually do feel better). And mom keeps asking me 'are you angry today?' which makes me want to scream even more. But the nice child I am, I sit silent. So she thinks am upset about something. But theres no reason at all.

Maybe, when I feel entirely bored I feel like this. When you feel happy, and there is not much happiness around you feel like this. How you hope the world was as happy as you were, so that YOU can live happily. When I get happy, I become really hyper. So I can understand why people cannot be as hyper as I am.. but atleast half of it.. hmm. Will not be possible, so I think I will just stop accusing and go to sleep...

Monday, September 19, 2005

Oooh, baby !

Today, my sis called. She was telling me how Naksha loves doing her homework ! And insists on doing more than is assigned to her! These children nowadays...

I remember when she was a baby, she used to give all these cute expressions, which would not be so funny on an adult.. because those were the kind of expressions an adult would make and you rarely see small kids using them. And she says such stuff, which I have never heard kids of her age say..

I have heard that Mozart's classical music stimulates the neurons in the baby brain and actually helps in mathematical reasoning when the baby grows up. Well, Naksha has not been listening to 'classical' music as such. But I wonder if any kind of music does the same trick. I know its a bit too early to consider Naksha as intelligent. But there are so many instances I feel so. Sometimes, she blabbers as if shes going to deep cosmic thoughts... finding out the reasons for everything, answers to questions she need to know only later on in life.

Maybe I am just over imagining things...

Talking about baby intelligence, I knew a kid ( my tuition sir's daughter) who could say the pythagoras theorem at age 3. And the basic mathematic formulas like (a+b)^2. She was one intelligent little girl! The way she used to move around, and the look she used to give us.. made us all feel like fools. When one of my classmates could not tell sir what is (a+b)^3 he called his daughter and asked her to tell us. She looked at her father as if asking him 'have you gone nuts to ask me such things ?' and without any pause she went on to say it with the most amazing ease. Oh well..

Friday, September 16, 2005

The Walk Of Life

The day when you are born, you are not even aware of anything around you. Life is so much more carefree, and you have almost everyone to cater to your every need.

But as you grow, you find less and less people giving you the same affection as when you were a kid...and you find that the world does not fulfil your every wish as you hoped it would. You feel a little lonely too..

Then there is always the greed to find something that would make you satisfied both in your profession as well as your personal life. Man is forever searching..

I can say I am in such a phase now. I do not entirely know what Iwant and will be satisfied with life once I know and hence therafter, achieve my goals.

I guess,one can never remain satisfied in his/her early years. A young mind always needs something extra. Even a good job will not do any good. 'I know I am capable of much more' will always linger inside you. The hunger always pushes one forward, to try a little harder. And once you achieve your goals, wow.. I am sure the feeling must be quite something else.

And when you have achieved entire satisfaction.. then there is a much deserved peace. Your responsibilities have become lesser, you have more time in your hands. Then the child within you just re-emerges.
More people have time for you. They cater to your needs again. And of course, then comes the time when you have had enough and decides to leave to a place which is much more predictable.

Comes to a fullcircle - this walk of life.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The death of a celebration

Now that Onam celebrations have started. I cannot help wondering it is not the same anymore. I remember when I was a small kid, I used to sit on the verandah of the main sitting room in my mom's house where I could see my aunts and cousins dancing around the flower-filled circle. What do I see now ? Practically nothing. Just people gossiping, wearing nice bright dresses. These are all part of bringing a family together I agree. But what about the traditional practises associated with the celebration ? It all seems to be fading away fast.

Another thing I happened to observe is the decline in the pookalams set up outside the houses. Out of 10 houses, I may have passed on the road, only 1 or 2 have them. And Onam is considered to be the festival of flowers. If there are no flower decorations around anymore, what is the main significance of Onam.. ?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Wet Wet Wet

It's raining cats and dogs here. Looks incredible. The raindrops on the tips of leaves, the cool atmosphere and the coconut trees swaying to the rhythm of the song I am listening to right now ( yeah, its by wet wet wet) ... would make everyone feel happy as long as they have one hot cup of tea on hand. And in some cases, like mine, even a Reader's Digest would suffice.

I read an article in Reader's digest which was based on anxiety. It was the article for me, because I am quite an anxious person. The article laid an insight into the lives of anxious children, and how they overcame it. The total percentage of girls having anxiety disorders are more than boys. Why ? Coz boys let go of all their frustration and anger more easily than girls who tend to keep their feeling deeply confined within themselves. So what the doctor prescribed ? Writing down your feelings into words .

And I think it does work, putting down what you feel about stuff into words. Once in a while, I come in and write about anything I feel like and it helps. Not necessarily what I am feeling at the moment, but about anything. And then I realize I am worried about lots of things unnecessarily because I have other things to be really happy about. And if things just go wrong, just change your priorities and go in another way. I know its kinda stupid if one is not the 'write down ur feelings into a book' kind of person.

Those kind of people are really lucky. He/She does not need an outlet to express their feelings. But there are some kind of people who cannot necessarily tell everything ( like I cannot dream of talking about all this to my mom.. she wont understand half of what I am saying ) and the people you know cannot tolerate much of this talk. So once in a while you like being yourself, cutting the crap and get to some serious thinking ( which I cannot depend on my college mates ) and here is where I come in.

So if you feel like talking something, but you do not have an audience, then just write it down and read through the content. You will feel as if some light burden has been uplifted from your fragile mind. And you feel more free...!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Another day in paradise

Another day has passed. And I feel satisfied and good and happy even if nothing extraordinary happened today. Maybe its just the direction of the planets..hmmm... Mars is supposed to be closer to the earth according to one forward I got. Is Mars the reason for my happy go lucky attitude ? Naah, I think its just me. I feel blessed ...

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Curious mind

Was just seeing 'clickonline' on BBC and they suggested a website - The curious mind of mine just wanted to know what the website is all about and hence, immediately after the show was over I went online and typed the URL. Of course, I thought it would be a new experience for me altogether. But when I saw the topics about banshees and ghost cams .. to be totally honest, I was kinda freaked out. And I thought 'what the hell, it can't be that scary'. And I clicked on the 'banshee' media and the first message was so comforting - 'please wait while we wake the dead'.

But that did not make me go away. And the media started. I saw one figure walking on and on. Hey! Thats not so scary after all. But I noticed I had not increased the volume. So, I increased and... well.. the woman who was blabbering had an eerie voice so I just closed the website ! :)

Its so weird.. we do things that we know might freak us out. But something inside us pushes us forward because we are always searching for new, interesting things to amuse us, to entertain us. And in the end, you might even regret that you had done it. For instance, I keep on watching scary movies. After the movie is over, I end up getting nightmares. But once a new horror movie releases, I end up watching it. I am not the one to blame, just my curious mind !